Decide to Heal

Believing I was going crazy

Believing I was going crazy

This shows my feelings prior to my remembering the sexual abuse I experienced as a child. I didn’t know that I had amnesia so my symptoms of terror seemed crazy. I could not understand why I was so gripped by these fears particularly the paranoia of someone “going to get me.”

Childhood Sexual Abuse Impact Survivors Physically

Sexual abuse is felt as a physical assault whether or not physical contact is made. If an adult is leering children experience the effects internally as sensations in their body. In fear we hold our breath, tighten up, get anxious, numb out, deaden, feel flustered, feel tingly to name a few. Those are body sensations that are experienced while the leering sexualized assault is taking place . . . all feelings are felt in our bodies and directly effect us physically. HOW ABUSE AFFECTS YOUR BODY Sexual abuse is frightening and painful. Even when experiencing … Read more

Childhood Sexual Abuse Impact Survivors Psychologically

Childhood Sexual Abuse Impact Survivors Psychologically

Sexual abuse survivors develop coping mechanisms to survive not thrive. When safety is compromised, it is imperative that survivors protect themselves. The focus is in getting away from their bodies where the abuse is taking place. Natural childhood development is compromised. The Overall Way Adult Survivors Feel About Themselves When children live in fear and secrecy, they do not have a chance to develop good self-esteem. The nature of secrecy itself is damaging; often survivors believe that if anyone were to find out, they would be repulsed. Abuse leaves no room for a child to … Read more

Emergency Stage of Remembering

Emergency Stage of Remembering Childhood Sexual Abuse

YOU CAN HEAL … IT IS PAINFUL … IT TAKES TIME … YOU CANNOT DO IT ALONE IT CAN END AS LONG AS YOU MAKE A DECISION TO RECOVER Emergency Stage of Remembering As a survivor, I can tell you it gets better with time and there is an end. At first the pain feels intolerable and impossible to believe that it will end. Once you know you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, whether you always remembered or had amnesia, it is overwhelming and frightening, shocking and rattles to the core. It is … Read more

Maladaptive Dissociation

Maladaptive Dissociation

I reached a point in my recovery from Incest where I understood that dissociation no longer served me. As a child it was adaptive, as an adult, it was maladaptive.

“I Want to Dare to Exist . . .”

Shauna Niequist

“I Want to Dare to Exist , and more than that, to live audaciously, in all my imperfect, lumpy, scarred glory, because the alternative is letting shame win.” Shauna Niequist

Swept Away on the Turbulent Wave of Remembering – Childhood Sexual Abuse

Swept Away on the Turbulent Wave of Remembering

Remembering is a wave of turbulence Spiraling down Believing you will die from its force Or drown in your grief over your loss of innocence Tumbling round and round Repeating over and over I was just a child At times the ride feels terrifying At times hopeless You want to rage at the injustice! How could this have happened? Will this ever end? It Will End If you don’t give up and You ride the wave to completion The immense turbulence will lessen And the once scary ride will be joyous by Lori Golden ======================== … Read more