Decide to Heal

Practicing Being Grateful: A Process of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

Practicing Being Grateful: A Process of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

I first learned about “being grateful” in Narcotics Anonymous 33 years ago. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, these words sounded foreign to me. I learned to suffer at a young age, which became a conditioned way of life, and it was a shadow that followed me into adulthood. In short, I had nothing to be grateful for. It took me two years to become willing to look at my resistance to being grateful because I was afraid to challenge my conditioned belief that I deserved to suffer. My unwillingness to begin being grateful … Read more

There is FEAR IN CHANGE for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Why We Cannot Heal Alone

There is FEAR IN CHANGE for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Why We Cannot Heal Alone

The definition of change is “become different.” It sounds simple, but it is not easy. It calls for us to step into unchartered territory without knowing what will happen. We like predictability and knowing what to expect. Before stepping into the unknown, we first have to identify how we protect ourselves. Self-protection was a life saver when suffering from childhood sexual abuse, but to grow beyond survival, we have to identify how we guard ourselves. Laying down our “protective weapons” means we are unsafe. If we lived in the war zone of abuse, we do … Read more

Ten Ways Survivors May Overcome Suffering from Childhood Abuse

10 Ways Survivors May Overcome Suffering from Childhood Abuse

Suffering is a conditioned response to abuse. Those who have suffered abuse grow up believing there is no way out, they are trapped and unable to get the abuse to stop. However, adult survivors can learn to stop being self-abusive and can develop a different way to treat themselves. They can learn self-compassion, self-love, and how to learn to be patient with their recovery. It is important for survivors to remember not only that new behaviors take practice and happen slowly over time, but also to learn to pat themselves on the back for trying. … Read more

Ten Ways Survivors Suffer from Childhood Abuse

10 Ways Survivors Suffer from Childhood Abuse Lori Golden

When people grow up in childhood abuse, suffering is a way of life. It is a conditioned response to abuse; lies, threats and intimidation are part of the landscape as well as terror, shame, and helplessness. Survivors develop core beliefs such as we are worthless, unlovable and shameful. Survivors believe they are responsible for the adult’s abusive behavior resulting in self-hatred, self-blame, and a need to punish themselves. In order to change this suffering, survivors first have to recognize the ways they suffer. Only then can the work and healing process begin. Ten Ways Survivors … Read more

Trauma Triggers – Reminders of Childhood Abuse

Trauma Triggers - Reminders of Childhood Abuse

When people experience childhood abuse, memories of it surface at unexpected times. Reminders of the abuse, called triggers, can appear suddenly without warning. Something in the present reminds survivors of their abuse. Suddenly you are hyper vigilant and on alert. You feel anxious, afraid, tense, want to get away, trapped, suffocated or helpless to name a few. Prior to this incident, you seemed OK. Because you are caught off guard, you believe “I must be going crazy,” or that this reaction does not make sense. It is often disturbing and frightening. Unless you know what … Read more

8 Steps to Heal Negative, Shameful Beliefs That Prevent Us From Developing Self-Worth

As a survivor of incest, I felt shame in the deepest part of me – my soul. I believed I was damaged; my insides felt like a criss cross of ugly scars that no one could see. I hid my shame by always looking “good” on the outside, while believing I was “getting one over” on everyone. I always thought to myself, “If only they knew.” I believed I was unlovable and unworthy since I was merely an outlet for my father’s perverse sexual needs coupled with my mother’s lack of protection. How could I … Read more

Childhood Sexual Abuse Impact Survivors Behaviorally

Childhood Sexual Abuse Impact Survivors Behaviorally

Childhood sexual abuse directly impacts the way we act in all areas of our lives, particularly in relationships where the underlying fear is most prevalent … leading to mistrust of others. How Abuse Effects Relationships Often there is a confusion about love and sex or comfort and sex. Survivors may want to be nurtured, but believe they can achieve this only through sex. There is difficulty in trusting others, letting people in, being able to ask for what you need or only able to identify what your partner wants and needs. Abuse leads to the … Read more

Believing I was going crazy

Believing I was going crazy

This shows my feelings prior to my remembering the sexual abuse I experienced as a child. I didn’t know that I had amnesia so my symptoms of terror seemed crazy. I could not understand why I was so gripped by these fears particularly the paranoia of someone “going to get me.”